Days Go By

ello' followers!

Lots has been going on since the last time I updated here and that's pretty much why I haven't updated in forevs. My sister, Mael' and I went to Chicago for a week at the end of June - July 3rd (much needed vacation) and had a blast. Our friend Kevin (as mentioned in previous entries) just moved there to be a hairstylist, so we went to visit him and do the tourist thing. All of us bought City Passes, which get you into to all kinds of museums and shows. I had such a great time, I wish I was back there. Also, I miss my friend Kevin very much.

(for more sweet Chi-town pics, click here!)

In other news, last weekend Gaga and Modest Mouse were in town (not together, but on the same epic night). Ash and I are so head over heels for both that we didn't buy tickets to either, to be fair to both parties (...ok, or we didn't have money for either). However, to not completely miss out, Ash and I drove downtown to check out the Gaga fashions and everyone dressed up in her honer. There were girls that had big rock candy sticks, boys dressed in only police tape, and definitely lots of gals donning soda cans in their locks. Unfortunately, these creative individualists were barked at by an infamous hate group from this area. However I quickly remembered a tweet that Gaga posted earlier that morning to her followers that made me feel better; it read:

"I would like to make my little monster fans aware of a protest being held outside the Monsterball in St.Louis tonight. Although we have had protesters before, as well as fundamentalists at the show, this group of protesters are hate criminals and preach using lewd and violent language and imagery that I wish I protect you all from. Their message is of hatred and divisiveness, but inside at the Monsterball we preach love and unity. My request to all little monsters and public authorites is to pay these hate criminals no mind. Do not interact with them, or try to fight, Do not respond to any of their provocation. Don't waste your words, or feelings, no matter what you hear or see you are more fortunate and blessed than they are, and in your heart just pray for them. Although I respect and do not judge anyone for their personal views on any politics or religion, this group in particular to me, is violent and dangerous I wanted to make my fans aware of my views on how to approach, or rather not approach, these kinds of hate activists. Be inspired to ignore their ignorant message, and feel gratitude in your heart that you are not burdened or addicted to hate, as they are. X"

At that point, Ash and I both agreed that it was only making us depressed gawking at Gaga-goers and not being able to participate in the show, so we decided to head back to Illinois.

Today Nick became an Uncle! It was a relatively easy birth for Danielle (Nick's sis) and she was smothered in the love of all the relatives and friends present for the arrival of the little angel. I'll update more when the momma posts pics of the local celebrity and Dani gets back on her feet!

Breaking Points

More than usual, I have been completely overcome with stress. I cannot sleep, my whole body hurts, I cry all the time and I constantly worry. I wish that I could extract my need to create a new worry every day. It is so completely debilitating to have an anxiety disorder. I haven't enjoyed life for about 4 years now. I want that feeling back so bad. I want to live a normal life.

In saying that, I did find a brief comfort today while reading my friend Elise's blog. She's a gentle, kind person and reading her entries is like taking a breath of fresh air. In her most recent entry, she talked about how she felt terrible worry and how she was comforted by this verse:

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. John 4:4"

Now, I know that I'm not the most spiritual of folks and I'm not usually someone to advertise my faith, but this made me feel really safe. Even though I'm not out there shouting it from rooftops that I am a christian, I am and this really brought me back to earth and made me feel safe.

I've come to realize that happiness is not something that you can feel all of the time and it's selfish to think that you should constantly feel happy. Happiness is like seeing a shooting star; it's brief, but if you keep your eyes open, you might see a lot of them.

In other news, one of my best friends, Kevin, moved to Chicago at the beginning of June. He's a fresh hair stylist who definitely does not belong in the St. Louis area, so he is pursuing the life he deserves, starting in Chicago. It's been difficult for me (as I explained to Kev), because I feel like when it's hot/cold outside. I'm 50% so happy for him that things are working out in Chicago because that is the start of his dream, however, I'm 50% sad because of my own selfish reasons for wanting him back with us.

We miss you Kev!

It's weird, because all of a sudden it feels like the world is shifting. My friend Tomas is moving to Texas to attend graduate school and study with a really great professor and another one of my friends is moving (can't say whom yet because it has to remain a secret for a few more weeks). Also, with everything that just recently happened to me, that feels like a huge chapter in my life that has closed. I just feel lost - not in a bad way, but in a nervous way. I feel really on my own and I don't know if I'm mature enough yet to deal with all of it.

I am excited for what's to come, but also very cautious. Things are very sunny with a chance of rain right now.

Where has Stefoni been?

Hey kiddies -
So I guess it's safe to say that I'm not very good about updating this...I'm working on it. Since Valentines day, not too much has been going on; just the day to day nonsense that is my life. One cool guy thing that happened is that Nick, Cory, Kevin and I went to Chicago!Chicago was fantastic. We left on a Thursday night and arrived in Chicago at about 1 AM on Friday morning. That day, we walked all over Magnificent Mile (there is a two story XXI...have mercy!), got Starbucks like 2 million times and just soaked up the atmosphere that is Chicago.
We go so lucky that the weather was sunny almost the whole time that we were there. I mean, it was definitely frigid, but still lovely as ever. Since we weren't very 100% familiar with the train/bus system in Chicago...we got lost a lot and ended up walking....a lot. Speaking of the trains, some of the stops were beautiful. Towards the end of the trip, we really started to get the hang of navigating the train systems. I like Chicago. We did lots of touristy things...Went to Gino's East, tried to get into the Sears Tower, went to Chinatown and Greek Town. It was a blast. We're supposed to be going back this summer - and even more awesome, we'll be there during Taste of Chicago!

In other news, life has been pretty good lately. Even though I'm not in a relationship, life still hasn't sucked too hard. Being around my friends, crafting, designing and just finding the humor in everyday life keeps me going. Work has been really trying lately - especially with the new Health Care law passing (I'm for it...99.9% of my office is against it) - but I'm keeping a positive demeanor about it and keep reminding myself that the great thing about America is that we're all welcome to have our own opinion.

This is ending abruptly, but it's Friday...gots to go <3
Stefoni

Peaks and Valleys

So basically the way things have been recently for me, have been peak and valley like. It's Christmas time and to be able to budget, 3 weeks before Christmas is pretty much like eating fire while spinning plates on a unicycle. Lame.

Anyhoo, look at Ashley's tree! It's her first Christmas in her own house and her own little tree, how exciting! I remember when she was so little, it's weird to see her doing adult things, like having her own place and paying bills. Time really does fly.

In saying that, through these tough times I've been really trying to hold myself close to the things that really make me happy, like Ashley, Nick, Ismael, Kevin, etc. We all only have one life and if we spend it being depressed or feeling cheated out of something, we'll wake up and be 50 and wonder where life went.

I guess that's my biggest concern of all right now. In turning 25 in less than 3 weeks, I hear the hands of my biological clock ticking. It's like sleeping right on a grandfather clock. TICK TICK TICK. This is going to sound so pathetic, but little tears escape out of my eyes whenever I see a happy couple, or a happy ending on TV. It makes me think, "Why not me?" I mean, if I want something this bad, why has it not happened to me? Also, will I be one of those women that lives alone and is everyone's "Aunt Stephanie"?? I hate that thought. I want love. I DESERVE love!

Not only does the clock tick for love, but also for a successful job. I was humiliated today and it made me realize, "How long will I settle and put up with this?" In my head, in my childhood dreams, I imaged myself at 25 owning a home, dressing to the 9's, going to fancy dinner's with the man that I love and working for a major magazine as a columnist. I wish I could rewind my life back to childhood and lower my expectations. Then, when I get to 25, I wouldn't feel so let down.

As 1999 would say, "Raise the roof!"

Guess what Republicans...Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize for 2009! Finally a president who cares about something other than hunting and taking care of his buddies (*coughcough* George Bush)! What's really pathetic is that a lot of Repub's are really butthurt over Barack winning this and feel the need to whine on Facebook, or on the radio, etc. and so on. Can't we ever focus on the positive?? Oh wait, that's a democratic thing...my bad! It just makes me feel overjoyed that we finally have someone in office that is TCB and I feel safe with. USA!

On Friday, me and Ash n' Ismael met up with Nick for the Chili cook-off and SIUE soccer game, which was tre' lame, but we spent the time we were there making fun of the "bros" so it turned out to be a lot of fun. On Saturday Ash, Ismael and I took a trip to Alton to check out McPike Mansion, but realized we didn't have admission money to get in...lame. I really wanted to get the chance to go in and check it out, cuz when I went there back in 03' to do a story for the newspaper, you had a sign a waiver to go in. Spooooooky. When we got home, we hung out with the Nick, Jonathan and Kevin and had an all around good time. :) After everyone had left, Cory and I went with Nick to the airport, because he had to drop his mom off around 3:30 am. Last night was the first time I have ever in my life been in an airport. It was really cool to look up at the little flight board to see where everyone was headed! This weekend was really good and relaxing because I got to spend a lot of time with everyone that I love. Now to start another week...puke.