The difference between the noun and the verb

You would think that being unemployed and having all the free time in the world would be excellent, don't you? Well, it's not.

I do have a job interview tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. Most of the interviews that I've gone out on have been pretty busty, so I'm crossing my fingers that this could be the one. Whereas I'm super stoked that I have finally have an interview, it's been a long time coming - and my unemployment is getting very close to running out. Also, I found something out about my previous job that made me cry - very not cool. I've tried long and hard to get over my sad, depressing feelings that I feel towards that place and this was like the cherry on top. I'm trying with all my might to keep my spirits high though, because lately my low-lows have been extremely low. Not to mention, my baby guinea pig, Pig Mallion passed away earlier this month - it's been so hard without him.

However, throughout all this strife, I'm so fortunate to have such a incredible support system. My sister always has my back 100% and whenever I start to spiral down, she pulls me right back up. My mom and dad coddle me and give me the support and inspiration that I need to continue on and my best friend Nick is the embodiment of a lifesaver. That being said, without them, I don't know how I would have gotten through the last few months. Take that, life.

In other news, I'm super uper stoked this weekend! Last weekend, Nick, Cory, Josh and I went to the Lemp Brewery Haunted House - it was excellent; way better than the one we went to the weekend before (The Drip in Chesterfield, MO - don't go, it's extra lame). Also, last Saturday was Cory's Halloween Party (which we were aptly calling, "Pre-game Halloween") and it was a blast. Cory decorated his house so spooky and it was just a great time between friends.

This Thursday (money permitting) we're supposed to go to The Darkness. The Darkness is pretty much always excellent as far as haunted houses go. Plus, apparently it's redesigned so that it's the "scariest in the USA" so we'll see, we will see. Friday is our Annual Halloween Bash, which Nick and I are going over the details as we speak. I mean completely stoked.

Then, Saturday is Ashley's "Nightmare on Plum Street" which will definitely be a great time. I can't wait!

A day in the life

This entry is colored-coded for your viewing discretion. Red = sad and tear-jerky; Green = light and relaxy-taxi.

It helps to write things out when you're feeling full to the brim with anxiety, so here goes:

Naturally, I'm a basketcase; ask anyone, really. However, lately it's been worse than ever, to the point where I can physically feel it. Sunday nights are unbearable for me. Thinking about the responsibilities that go along with a new week almost eat me alive; it hurts so bad, because I spend Sunday's with my family and I feel like I sell them short with the time that we spend together. So, I started to think, what really set all of this off? Why is worse now then ever?

My Grammie passed away last July and ever since then, I've been a mess. The whole situation was painful the whole way through; it's not something that I boxed up and started feeling now - losing someone is the worst thing on the planet, especially someone that you love with 110% of your heart. I carry her picture in my clutch everywhere I go. I have pictures of her on my cork board. I don't want to accept the fact that she's gone, because when I start to think about it being permanent, it burns my insides.

I know it hurt everyone, and I'm not saying I felt it more than anyone around me, but she was such a influential person in my life, it's hard living without her. I can't talk about it, cuz I won't be able to finish this post, but I keep remembering the last things that she said to me before she passed away, and I wish I would've got to know the person she really was and her life story, rather than just doing the usual grandparent-grandchild activities. In lots of ways, she was like me. God, this is so hard.

But getting back on track here, I think a big reason that I've been such a nut lately is death has never been as present to me as it had been then. Everyone always says, "Everyone dies" but when you're faced with something tangible like that, that you can feel, it becomes a reality. Grammie and I were really nervous people and scared of lots of things...death being one of them. I know this sucks to say, but I wonder if she was scared. I hate to think about it like that, but what if she was? I am. It really makes me think about God, the afterlife and all that. Death is final and am I living enough of a spiritual life? What if I'm not and I won't be able to see her when all is said and done? I'm spiraling here...lets go to something lighter.

With the beautiful weather that has decided to grace it's presence around these parts, have brought lots of fun activities! Nick and I went and got Chinese last Friday (yurm)

(if you ever wondered if fortune cookies were fake...now you know)

Earlier that week, we went and saw the remake of Clash of the Titans. We watched it in 3D (which I was not all that impressed with) and stayed up late. Wee!

Pig Mallion got sick, so we had to take him for his first vet visit ever. Nick and I felt bad for him, so we bought him a new home.

We had a nice Easter too. Spent it with Ashley, Mael, Nick, Mom and Dad. We had the ususal - ham, green beans, asparagus, etc. Then we all shuffled into the living room to watch the Amazing Race, cuz we're couch potatoes like this.

(Nick is prettay famous...he requested no paparazzi at Easter. Denied.)